cleargalaxydreamer:

“If you inherently long for something, become it first. If you want gardens, become the gardener. If you want love, embody love. If you want mental stimulation, change the conversation. If you want peace, exude calmness. If you want to fill your world with artists, begin to paint. If you want to be valued, respect your own time. If you want to live ecstatically, find the ecstasy within yourself. This is how to draw it in, day by day, inch by inch.”

— Victoria Erickson (via serendipitousromance)

(Source: luna---belle, via florenceandthepoutine)

Something really cool someone told me was that all of this is practice for the person who wants you and loves you for exactly for you are. I think that’s beautiful. It keeps me going.

I haven’t been on tumblr in so long or wrote anything. I feel like writing about how i feel. Life is so weird and i’m not the greatest at feeling uncomfortable. I’m stupid and looked at old pictures of me and my most recent ex and it made feel so weird, like just seeing who i thought this person was and then really finding out who they are. It’s scary. People are scary and i’m sick of always being so empathetic to the point of making excuses. I also just like romanticize people way too much when i start to fall? Like looking at the old pics i could see and feel myself romanticizing this person. But idk i guess thats my fault i shouldve paid attention to the many many red flags that occurred. I’m really happy to have had the courage to leave someone who was mentally and emotionally abusing me for 2 years straight, but it still really sucks that was something i had to accept and see. I’m happy i got out. I’m happy for some of the last bad things that happened, because it pushed me to get out. It got to the point that i am now disgusted by this person and their character for how they have abused me. But i’m sad it turned out that way. I’m sad i’m so so so terrible at being alone and being single…i mean i’m proud of myself for not being a mess though. Other breaks up i died, got so hurt, it was so hard it consumed me. I don’t feel that way at all, and don’t feel like so much regret and like wishing i had done other things. But that’s because i finally learned to seperate when someone abuses me, and what my actual self worth is. When people would hurt or abuse me i would constantly think, this is because of me and who i am. But i finally realized that it didn’t matter what i did, whether i was the sweetest most patient girlfriend, or just a straight bitch like they deserved during this abuse……the outcome was always the same. Me being treated like shit. And i realized this was a projection and problem with these other people and not me. I’m just so bad at being alone and single. That’s my problem with getting into these bad relationships. But i’m trying to get better. I crave intimacy, love, affection, kisses, attention, passion, and romance so much. Without it, everything feels so empty. I know that’s so bad but i just love having all of that in my life. It’s hard to sleep alone… i love the feeling of being in love with someone and someone being in love with me. I want to not be stupid, and not fall for someone quickly like i hve all these other times. I want to be okay and happy without these things. I don’t want to let in the wrong person into my life again. But i can’t explain how badly i want the right peson to walk in and give me everything i never had.

I love you no matter what